Spilling the Tea: insecurity can be a good thing
Tea time Tuesday
4 years ago I moved from Toronto to Vancouver Island.
It had been a move I’d thought about and played with in my head for years. Then a bad breakup serendipitously coupled with an offer from my Aunt and Uncle to dogsit for the winter and I was able to pull the trigger.
I subletted my apartment in the city, my dad flew East and we hit the road in my little black Toyota Yaris lovingly named Larry. I packed my guitar, a big tupperware of “essentials” and two bags. Deep down I knew I would be making this a more official move eventually but I wasn’t ready for that quite yet.
When I arrived in the Comox Valley and crossed the 17th bridge I was greeted with a huge rainbow. “Nice omen” I thought to myself. Eagles were in my view constantly which also felt like a nice welcoming as Eagles had represented the comfort of spirit for me for a few years at that point. I even went so far as to get one tattooed on my body, that’s how strong an influence they had on me.
As I settled in I thought “this is it.” This is my time.
I imagined myself rising out of the ashes like the Phoenix.
Conquering heartbreak. Stepping into “my greatness”.
Let’s just say it didn’t end up being quite as heroic a journey in that one year as I might have liked it to be.
But it was epic. And it also was the start of something.
Tea Time Tuesday
One of the things that I challenged myself with during that time was what I called “Tea Time Tuesday”.
I was about a year into my coaching practice. A coaching practice that had – in Toronto – been based in person. I worked out of the holistic clinic at my local yoga studio one day per week. Most of my clients found me through the studio itself although some were friends intrigued by this new offering.
While my practice began in-person, I had known I wanted to base it online eventually. My cross-country move prompted my new business structure.
Again I thought “this is my year…I’m going to be serious about this now. No more playing around”.
While I had been an Art Director in the advertising world for nearly a decade at this point, suddenly I felt like I knew nothing about marketing. I could no longer rely on the studio to support me in finding clients. It was now all up to me.
One of the strategies I implemented was ‘Tea Time Tuesday’. I’d hop onto Facebook and go-live, sharing wee bits of value to those in my network, giving them a chance to familiarize themselves with me and my offerings.
By the time Saturday rolled around my brain would start spinning.
“What the heck am I going to talk about this week?” my brain would offer.
I swear that from about Saturday evening to showtime on Tuesday I’d just be clucking around (inside my mind) like a chicken with their head cut off. Frantically trying to find SOMETHING to talk about. Battling with thoughts like “that’s dumb”, “no one’s gonna care about that”, “don’t be an idiot”.
I’d scribble notes. Cross them out. Scribble some more. Crumple the paper.
It took every ounce of courage to show up on Tuesday to the 2-3 people who were kind enough to show up and interact with me (my cousin Heather, my bestie from high school, my friend Lara from the holistic clinic in Toronto).
Sometimes I would psyche myself out completely and not do it.
So why am I sharing this story with you?
For one, because I’m sure you can relate. I’m sure there’s something that you have done or WANT to do that totally psyche’s you out. You get in your head. You cluck around frantically. You sweat about it. You doubt it’s value…or your value.
This relationship I had to going in public live to share thoughts and opinions went on for the next few years at varying degrees of intensity.
But now?
Now I’m actually starting to enjoy it.
Gratitude to my courageously flailing self
When I look back at Tea Time Tuesday Sydney I feel so much gratitude and sweetness towards her. I see her courage. Her determination. Even the days that she wasn’t able to go live she showed so much fortitude.
I feel very different doing that sort of thing now.
I’m able to formulate concepts into something coherent.
I’m able to trust in my ability to be there and be present with the folks that might join me.
I’m able to chill out.
I still get butterflies but they no longer feel debilitating, they don’t last days and they no longer exhaust me like they once did.
Her courage to try back then even though she felt like she had no idea what she was doing is EVERYTHING. I wouldn’t be here feeling the comfort that I feel now if it hadn’t been for her and her courage.
Her willingness to suffer embarrassment. Her willingness to FEEL embarrassment has allowed me to now have a very different experience.
I love her so much.
And what I think about what those small, difficult moments of growth brought me I see the exponential impact of that decision to make Tea Time Tuesday a thing.
Those moments in and of themselves may not have impacted 1000’s of people, but they helped me become the person who now HAS impacted 1000’s of people.
So let me punt this back to you…
What are you now able to see more clearly, or do more easily because your past self was willing to feel uncomfortable?
What do you feel uncomfortable doing now that is setting you up for more ease in the future?
Your level of discomfort and comfort is within your control in MANY ways. There are benefits to both.
I hope this was a helpful anecdote.
If it was, I’d love to hear what you’re taking away with you. Please share in the comments!
Until next time I’m sending you all a lot of love,
Do you want to be notified when new ‘thought’ entries are uploaded?
Click here to get on my mailing list.
Thanks for being here.
